Deepest Waters

As it always is with college students, when I meet people they say “What’s your name and what’s your major?” I reply with the usual, “Hey! I’m Ruthie and I’m majoring in Christian Ministry and Missions.” The question that always follows without fail is, “what do you want to do with that?” There are like one million answers I could give to that question, but the one that usually comes out is I DON’T KNOW. The real question in my mind though is should I know? Am I supposed to have a plan for this crazy thing called life? If so, I’m obviously failing. But then I hear the still small voice in the back of my head saying, “My precious child, you don’t have to know.” Hold up. I don’t have to know? That is so completely opposite of what the world is telling me. Even in the Union bubble of Christians, everybody has a plan. They know exactly what they want to do, where they want to go to graduate school, when they want to get married, and in some cases they even know whom they’re going to marry. Let’s see… I have exactly zero of those figured out. I mean, I know I want to get a job and I know I want to get married, but you can’t tell people that when they ask. That would be so awkward. “Hi I’m Ruthie and in the future I would like to have a job and a husband.” Nope. Not okay. These people want real answers.  So here I am, wondering what to do and if I’m supposed to go to graduate school and whom I’m going to marry when I remember that small voice saying, “you don’t have to know.”

I’ve been pondering this for a while now, and I have come to the realization that my goals in life are not supposed to be getting a job and getting married. These are the goals poured into me from the world though. Isn’t the world’s definition of success having a good job, making money, marrying an attractive man, and giving birth to 2.5 children? Probably, but do I really want to be successful by the world’s standards? I’m leaning towards a no on that one. Sure, I want to have a job and I want to get married and have a family, but I’m not going to let those be my goals and I’m definitely not going to let them be my definition of success.

So what things should be my goals? I thought and prayed about this question in my quiet times this past week, and I found an answer in 1 Timothy 6:11-12.

 “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

So is God calling me to focus on what I can gain in this world? I don’t think so. I think His call is for us to focus on pursuing a life where we fight the good fight of the faith! Where every single thing we do is aimed to bring glory to God and to make Him known to ALL peoples! These are some intense words. We all want to say, “oh yeah, I’m just giving my entire life to God and allowing him to do big things through me, so it’s whatever, I’m pretty holy.” Nope. YOU are not. It’s not going to be like that. First of all, the actual giving your control over to God part? Yeah, that’s a struggle. We are selfish humans! If you know me, you probably know that I have an innate inner need to be in control. Well, the bible tells us (especially me) that the Lord is supposed to be in control of our lives, so there’s that. Secondly, I am not the one who is doing all of this in the first place. It is God. I cannot take any credit. So basically this is my other biggest selfish, sinful need in life—the need to have people think I’m really perfect and have it all together. That’s not part of God’s command to me either, so I’m going to have to ask for help getting rid of that desire. It’s going to be crazy difficult!  The devil is not going to agree with me making my goals the same as Christ’s, and He is going to try to make me stumble, but guess what? I still know that God is going to use me. He doesn’t just call us to do things for His glory and then leave us alone when the hard parts come!

I am reminded of the beautiful worship song that I had the privilege of leading this past Wednesday, Oceans by Hillsong. The second verse is a perfect picture of surrendering ourselves into the “deep waters” of following God. It says, “Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide, where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you’ve never failed and you won’t start now.” Yes, you read that right. Our God has NEVER failed, and He NEVER will. Even though we are called to follow Him into the deep waters, we will never be alone, and we can be assured that He will use us for His glory. Just thinking about this as I write is giving me goose bumps. Our God truly is sovereign over all. He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords and He has plans for me, the worst of sinners. I am truly humbled every time I realize what an amazing God we serve.

So now I find myself here at Union, a Christian Ministry and Missions major, planning to use my life to bring glory to God and make His name famous to all peoples. What does that look like in my career? I honestly could not tell you that. Will I be successful by the world’s definition? Maybe not.  All I know is that wherever He leads, I’ll go, and I will continue to pray, “spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”